just in one fucked up night, everything changes

How we end up this way. I'd like to think you 've change. We were never like this and now that I remember things like this only happen at the end. So, is this the end? Remember how we sat next to each other after my birthday and I thought I was the luckiest person as I was falling so in love with you. I knew I change because I was never like this when I am with boys. It was so easy to get them around but it was different because it was you. I was afraid of getting your feelings hurt and thats why I am always careful with my choice of words. You'd say love isnt like this but I'd say..I just care alot about the way you feel.

Being your bestfriend has evidently been the best thing in my life. As we get by everyday I came closer to the terms that we might actually be perfect for one another. You get so frustrated everytime we quarrel but secretly I liked it. I like it because I understand we learn more about one another after every quarrel and in most cases we always become stronger. We'll meet up the very next day and everything will just fall back in place pretty nicely. Amazing how that works out but it was good, thats just what i want. Just goes to show how my heart softens everytime I see you.

I liked it better when our feelings do not surpass this friendship. I think I would be happier. Like the time at timbre, when I felt slightly shy for no reason but I was so happy. I always like talking to you, cause its always random. Guess thats what bestfriends so right, they talk about everything without judgement and it should be comfortable.

I am so proud to have you as a bestfriend. Sometimes it feels as thou I can never get enough and I am so unwilling to share. The kind of guy you are, makes you so special. Love turning around telling my new friends about you and how awesome you are.

Things are slowly changing now, have you too wondered why.
Whats would my bestfriend say at a time like this

Love,you cant deny.

One day we're gonna brave through this and come out as the best lovers in the world.

Go away everyone.

Today, I felt like tearing all the letters I wrote as I thought about you.

& are you gonna feel worse knowing how much I actually love you. Hot girls are everywhere, have fun

too crowded for comfort

Because I am messed up like that. Hope youre happy and dont try searching for an answer anymore.

You are just difficult

Seriously I never thought it would be this hard. Goodness just being friends kill you ay. You prove my point so correctly, you are only destined to be my lover or nothing else. Hey and that isnt a compliment. People who cant be friends with the people they claim to "love" just suck. All this while I tried talking to you, tried showing you that I will always be there to only hold on to that promise I have made. Even if I am attached to someone else, it doesnt mean anything you know? You know if you dont care anymore why dont you just say" fuck off". Simple and I will vanish from the surface of your life. I am going to just say this the last time, you really meant something to me and youre someone I know I want to keep. As friends, I think we're great. After our relationship, I just took some time to know I was better off being your friend. Seems like its never going to work if I am the only want trying.I dont understand why I am the one eager to keep you in part of my life and on the other hand I am just a nomad to you, still a nomad. I gave you everything you want,I never gave up..I knew I was always giving in. I wish I knew whats in your mind so everything wouldnt be so mind boggling. You were not into celebrating my birthday with me, nah actually youre not keen to even be a friend, not anymore.

I've missed you. Thats just too bad

tattoo your name

Finally I can take a day off from work. Yesterday was going all smoothly till ..yeah anyway everything kinda went haywired and I spilled a tub of yogurt al over the machine. I am always like that and I hate myself for always being affected for the smallest things.



I had a realy weird dream yesterday, seriously weird and all I remembered now is... eating rice off the grave.



My mum's giving me a very hard time as usual. In the fking morning. In the fucking morning give me one fucking load of shit. How the hell am I going to get thru today

When I fell in love with you, I fell in love with my life.

I think, Im in love with you. This is fucking it

Better together

Today I told my bestfriend I am going to write a motherfucking story for him but now I cannot promise when is he going to see this. But anyhow its time I wrote something before my mind gets blanked out. Where do I start when I have him in every single part of my life, so much so it has became a routine. A routine I talk to my bestfriend, a norm to do things together almost everyday and very much expected even when I let him watch me cry. Its people like him you know so well you can finish up his sentences for him. Okay, maybe I have not come to that point but you know what he means when he does something. Like the bear hug!! You dont need to hear " I love you" when you get this kinda hugs.

I wonder why I am still single sometimes. Can I blame it on my past? Like I made commitments once and I think alot about love more than anyone else. I feel like I see beyond things because of the things I have been through. True enough if everyone thinks that way but look at me!!I ask if its really possible to fall in love with someone else. When at one point you do anything for one, and the next you really have to walk out of it? Im the confuse nomad.

People dont see it but I am really afraid of such things. Sadly my bestfriend dont see alot of things in my position. Falling in love is easier than making love last. The only reason Im questioning myself right now is because I dont know what to do. Love makes friendship difficult to maintain till it comes to a point where either youre lovers or youre nothing more. Whenever I see my bestfriend now, there will be a tinge of nervousness in me and I find me slapping myself out of such thoughts even more frequently.

So I asked him how do you know if youre in love with someone? He answered" when even doing nothing makes me happy and when you find yourself doing everything just to make one person happy because that smile means everything" It made me think. Fyi, things that he does always made me think.

Quotes that he tells me almost everyday and even better when it came from him. I swear it always got me thinking about us.
Like this one below today.

"You want to know why nice guys finish last? It’s because they aren’t willing to take a chance, they’re too tied to their rules. They see their girl at her most vulnerable moment, and instead of doing what they perceive as a dick move, they put their arms around her and they hold her. They listen to her weep and they don’t take control of the situation. She’s too precious to cut off. Let her weep."-lelove

It reminds me of all the times when I was crying in front of him and how he would just..yeah let me cry. Times when he stoood up for me because of other guys. Haha. Now it just proves it further my pussy bestfriend is a nice guy and he's going to be the last.He's not just a bestfriend to me Im pretty sure. In fact he's the ladies man in my eyes. People actually need my bestfriend. You'll see how girls are so comfortable talking to him even when he sucks so bad at consoling. Know why? Because he is so sincere in everything and he's nice as a friend to everyone.
Girls youre so confident he will take your sorrows and you know there's no other guy like my bestfriend who would be there for you as geniunely as he does. He beats your blood sucking boyf at home anyday, anytime.

Though all that my bestfriend's a kid, a real whine that goes beyong " roaminsilence". Attention span has to be there an there's no tomorrow when he gets hungry. He would never believe in my eating disorders and he has no idea how hard I fight to have one. In his point, it was all my issues ttvm. Well little does my bestfriend knows..I m super greedy. I crave for food at every level you think. So thats how it goeswe both have issues but we love foood!Ok this paragraph is a little sidetrack but I am feeling fat.

Lastly, did I mention my bestfriend drives me crazy. The worse thing is he thinks I dont know anything and then I have to pretend I dont know anything and rant everything to Alikok. Both of us would rant to the same person very nicely done. When we are both talkingto each other, it always seemed fine but inside my head it goes " WTF YOURE DRIVING ME TO MY GRAVE IN THIS MIND FUCKED GAME" Yea there,now you know.

Its all the things about you that makes us bestfriends. In love or not,you decide.

Love you

Today I realised no matter how big a heart you have, love is selfish. & the greatest irony of all, we all say we want the people we love to be happy.
Guess when youre unable to be with someone, it really does not mean you dont love a person enough yes? Even so sometmes you wish that person knew you stil care and there are times you feel selfish.. Like how you cant be with him but you want him by your side all the same. What is this.

Now that I've learnt

I've been better. I've learnt alot about people who has crossed the path in my life. The more significant ones who stayed by me has taught me more. When I look back now I'm just thankful for this fulfiling life. Sure enough you'll know what I've been through, all that love and all that life that I am never contented with.

At some point we get too caught up with one person, one person you thought it will be nice you just revolve around. Thats the one person whom you'll give all your love to and then you'll learn to appreciate it more when others give you love back. I had a funny dream about my ex boyfriend last night. Its been so long since we last met up and if it wasnt for this dream I would have forgotten. I saw myself being so in love, holding on to a guy I'll never be able to get back with. Every night I'll never fail to tell myself how perfect we were together before I sleep and everyone knew I'll travel the mile just to see him smile.

I see people and friends around me going through the exact same situation and sometimes I wish they knew... Because when I was too busy being so captivated in this love story I've failed to realise about the people around. We always say how we all love everyone, how we care how we do not neglect but actually we're all selfish one way or another.

People around will never fail to tell you how much you're worth everyday and I'll still think I'm never good enough for that one person. I'll thought life was cruel because it takes people you love away from you but really... love has always been around. Everyday as I pick myself up I'll see a little more.

Now I've been really been so happy lately. Even my dad sees that glow in me and that made him happier. I've learnt to see that I am still very young and life can only be at its fullest when I give my all out to each and everyone who cares about me. I've finally learnt how to look back and smile at all that has ever happened to me. And to my ex lover, I still thank you everyday. Thankful that I can prove my point that we should always try to be friends with our ex-es. Like I always say, why fall in love with someone knowing that you'll end up being complete strangers at the end of it.

I need to be like this for a long time. For all who has been a part of this story, you really did make me realise I m a better friend and I am happy with the way I am now.

A pocket full of roses

I love you an you'll never know.
Through the days when I was so busy giving so much love to someone else, you stayed.
When I was out with my ex boyf, you still stayed
Through everything, I felt every bit of your love and its getting closer to me everyday.
I dont know how to tell you how much I need you bestfriend.

And again, I'm in love with you too.

We were once so strong

In just 2 hrs I will have to make my eating disorder speech. Wondering why am I not feeling the least tense about it. Speech yo, there will be audiences and worse still judgements. Why am i feeling so tired today when I have been sleeping so much the entire week.

i was thinking of switching this site. This will probably be the last post cause I really cant have a single reader to a private space. Anyway here's one to the last of it.

One day when you have finally gotten her out for lunch with you, I was thinking maybe you'll be excited happy and you'll get the flutters you once had. She'll probably have a meal double the portion of yours and you wouldnt feel so awkward cause at least someone's eating with you!! If you're not used to force feeding or not used to see someone starve because she wanna look better for you...maybe you'll feel different in a better way.

Bye forever and ever, till you find me again I suppose.

Someday you'll know...

As usual my mind would be in a blank whenever i come to this space. Lately I've been thinking..whats that meaning to life anyway. I am not a very angsty person and sometimes it might be a bad thing after keeping so much for too long. I hate alot of things actually, probably a little less than an average person but on the whole..I have a lot of conflicts about my life. I am feeling especially sour today because I miss having a family. I miss it so much to an extend I just go home a lot sometimes. I'll be working or not I'll head home and live the healthy way.

Wish I had a car so I can plan a roadtrip anytime. Wish i has starbucks while driving.
ARghhhhhhhhhhhhh what a strangee revalation.

I don't know if its worth it anymore,

Think when everyone talks about love, they dont just need a companion to hear them out. Companions are everywhere, everyone is technically in love. Maybe what we all need is to let the right person hear us talk about love and that person has to be the lover. I busy randoming about nothing and tonight I dont feel like talking much.

The funniest thing about this space is that it leaves me blanked out whenever I start typing.
Well I just left a major clue.

Buy my stuff yeah buy my stuff

still wondering...if we should risk it.

Cant go far but you can always dream

In the first phase,I learnt that seeing someone you love,love someone else is painful.
On the second,I learnt that loving someone you cant love,is painful.

You're always outstanding.

I feel proud having her, having her to hold. When im with her i know i wouldnt want to mess up because I need her to be smiling. Little insecurities filled me when people on the streets are looking at her and sometimes i wish i could keep her in my pocket,in a place safe and warm. But then again, I cant blame her because when i look at her..I gradually found all the answers.
Perhaps people out there would very much want to be in my position, having her hands to hold or maybe just be standing beside her.


This was special,a very special love. It isnt the kind you read from books or hear from your friends. It isnt so much about sacrifice or patience, much less giving. Its insanely revolving around happiness that i can never give enough.



Everyone has their way of telling their love stories,so do I. Mine is about being in love with someone who isnt very much in love with you..and yet my love will always remain this unconditional. I dont need her to love me back the same,i just wish she knew how much i could give...and how she should always be happy because someone out there lives on her smiles.
People always say how painful it is to love and not get it back but to me being able to love is great.

There are a million and one reasons why our love is special. But for one,Id tell you we are special because we had goals of equal heights. Heights only so attainable when we work as a team. And now,its goals that we have achieved togeher.

It will always live on as a vivid memory. I'll never forget how love can make people change and how you'd work towards something with support so special like the one I had. I look back feeling only grateful,for everything that she has taught me, for everything that I have become and letting me having a part of her.

There were endless disagreements between us but wrongs became so right when we learn from it. I see the way she would change just to make things better and how she would give in to let me win. For all this, it made me realise how much I would wnat to protect her and cherish her more than anything my life could give.

She'd always come back whenever I reach out for her,she's just never that far away. There were many times I felt her crying thru my darkest nights and even thou she cant be there, she always cared,always.

I gave her 3 reasons why I should go but she could convince me with countless reasons why she would stay. When I see her drift, I knew it was only right to pull every string back..simply because..

Nobody out there would love me the way she does.

A dream about the school boy

Today's my pubic speaking impromptu presentation. Know what I feel like doing, moving here and stop using my lj for good. The 2 pictures are for my own fun and people who found this private space. The new hair treatment cream that I have been using is making my hair look super nice compare to my pubic looking hair before this.

Life's going at a very weird momentum but Im glad I woke up this morning feeling a whole lot better. Thursdays were suppose to be my worst days but well ,yesterday was too hardcore!! Had to deal with the whole lot of drama my family is giving and I had to vent my frustrations to somewhere.

Thank god I met Matthias really. Things has changed a whole lot ever since he came around. Its very nice to have a guy friend who comes helping you with no other intentions,very very nice. I dont tell him about things like that but I do hope he knows how thankful Im to have him in my life now. I have open up once again and confide in somebody. I share my stories and its so much fun when he gets so amused. ^^v

Anyhow, life has been sucking up every bit of me especially when there are people who are awfully self centered...really makes life a lil harder. & of course its always times like this that makes me realise the better people and better things.

Everything's been going great.
I have met a new fallen angel,friends forever now.

When you find you, come back to me

Its been almost 4 months since we met. It got better and I hope it wil always get better. Its like how we see each other grow up and change. To you,Im the immature brat that knows nothing about surreal. To me,you're good and thats why I love you.

& you caught me offguard

Life sux. Seriously Im practically detesting everything. As much as I would really like to convince myself..eh no Im not like that but damn it ,life is so cruel,people're so cruel.

Why do you have to make it sound like its only your solo decision in a friendship? Dude, we may not be as popular but we sure do have a stand of our own. Like we didnt feel weird and unhappy? We had to put up a front so you wouldnt know and there you are...letting out all your emotions like we should just take it.

I dont deserve anything like it from you because firstly..I couldnt find a reason to fault myself. Secondly,I always cared about you like you dont know it. Like how I would come from wherever Im just to make you feel better. You would hurl all your rants at one go..only coming to me when you need so. I didnt even breathe a word of complain..until now when I realise you dont even bother.

I have to believe it??Dude,if everyone just has their make believes,there wouldnt be action in this world. You dont have to do anything to prove love,just make believe?? Ya I know things are different esp cause we are in different environments now but fuck,we made the damn effort.

You will always magnify the little things and make it seem like its a major thing to cover up the rest. When I hear you talk last night,I was just crying. I know it makes me sound like a major loser but how am I suppose to deal with it.

And you light me up,when you ring a bell

I have been hearing so much about people feeling so lost lately. I just wonder how am I suppose to help them feel better. When Im hearing him talk about his previous girlfriend,I cant help but feel sad. ''it hurts so bad you know.....'' Why wouldnt I know,I assume I know it all so well.

I have lost people whom I love and still care for. They might not be in my life but I still care,from wherever Im. Sometimes,I just wish we were friends again.

I miss our connection, especially how we could talk for hours. I miss how genuine everything felt and mostly,I miss you. If anyone were to come talk to me about this,I promise I'll never give you the plz-dont-talk-about-it-anymore face. I know how you feel.

Found somebody worthy

Thoughts started streaming in when I laid in bed last night. My day was pretty much taxing on me especially cause I had to juggle between work and school. Nevertheless,I know it will be good experience for me. I've been strong,so strong.

"why is this happening to me'...I dont seem to know how to confide in anyone anymore..I just think alot,way alot more than I usually did. I always see my life as a novel, a story at play and Im the leading actress in it. The rest of the world is my audience and sometimes they see a clearer picture. At most events,I just get so carried away by the plots I've unknowingly let myself through that emotional ride.

I've been crying so hard deep down inside.I wonder if keeping things inside of me will somehow lead to depression someday and Im serious. Putting up a front of everyone has been going on like a routine and coming home to only feel like I need to explode.

I've got great people around me and you will never have an idea when I say that. They're so good they'd do anything and everything to make life a little better. In fact,they are the sole reason why I'll still carry on with the rest of my life.

Somethings been missing lately. I know I have lost a few things and people I loved but over a few times have I convinced myself its only inevitable. I have gotten thru that and smile when I look back and sometimes,I feel thankful. Maybe time is what I need to get used to the lost I had recently. Pretty soon,it will be so numb I will forget it actually happened.

I wonder alot how my audience look at me. Do they sense some agony beneath that face.

Lucky to be in love in everyway not.

Today should be a fucking special day of my life NOT cause of all time I had to bump into Sean after work. No wait actually I only caught a second glimpse of him and very instantly i jumped into cab followed by the door which I have used my entire strength on. Poor cab.

Myles and luci caught up and ..I realised I didnt have courage to look back. Im so drained juggling between school and work right now and the last thing I wanna be is miserable. I really dont have the courage to react when i see Sean so I dont want to see him again,not for now at least.

We didnt even have love. Anyway,its just a phase seriously.
It just makes me look back and conclude that your words are so empty.

thoughts

I thought we were forever,but eventually he left.
Met new people,bunch of good genuine people...
Found life,found meaning to it.
Had exams,lots of crucial events.
Made it thru somehow,not really sure thou.
Begining to have alot of mixed feelings about things.
Got lost along the way.
Turned to mybestfriend.
Things got better eventually.
Always thinking that,Im alone.
Eventually,I concluded....everyone else was feeling alone.
Wonder if its normal to feel helpless at times.
Then I found him.
Lost him.
Felt tears and emotion after a really long time.
Got back up really quickly.
Inevitably,everything lingers.
Starting to doubt that meaning in life.
Lost the drive again along the way.
Couldnt really deal with the whole up-down thing in life.
Worked my thoughts away.
Frolicked
Stress about school and work.
Juggle both,can I?
Starting to feel really angry about somethings.
People like you,dont understand at all.
Understanding is a virtue.The sooner you know the better.
As such is my life.

Baby thats the best of me

'I will literally break his heart for you.."
Im so glad Josh and Dian are finally back. We met up yesterday to celebrate Jonas's bday. Only 4 of us and Zh because we wanted a really small gathering..the'take and go' gathering. Josh got me chandu from disney,its so fucking adorable and I m going to leave the tag on so people know its disney. Dian got me this postcard and what really matters was the content in it although i have no idea why there was french in it. Cb like I will ever understand haha.

Anyway I've been neglecting some of my friends/bestfriend recently. I have been so busy at work and I have been juggling my social life in the most horrid manner.Im not trying to say I have so many people in my life and all that..no I really dont. Just that in some part of my life,I have new people entering and some getting closer...as much as I would really like to make eveyone feel that they are very significant to me,there's only so much I can do.

Occasionally I'll try to call and write little notes to tell you guys how much you mean to me ..I hope my friends will know it somehow.

I realised Im fucking alone sometimes,seriously. Especially when problems start bombarding on me,I'll never know who I can turn to. People always have this mindset that I have many other great people around so I wont be of much help anyway. Everyone,I mean everyone thinks this way...and what happens is,Im just left with nobody.

On every other day,I always seem to be the happiest girl with no problems. In front of people I am barely left with a choice but to shove all my emotions to the back of my mind. I feel so different from before...I have to always come home and let out my sorrows cause there's no where else I can throw them to.

Sighs,perhaps its better this way..Feeling pretty numb about everything and problems just run away on its own somehow.I'll work and just meet people I really love..I only have 2 hands to juggle my life. Aint superwoman so i have to stop acting like one.

Lastly,I love you Alicia. You're one of the most special people to me in my life,one rank just below family. I really feel like we dont spend alot of time together and that really sucks. I'll call you out as much as I can when Im off duty..hopefully then we'll have more time together. No one else in my life is quite like you because you are my best friend, best listener and mostly because you support me in whatever Im doing. I know that clearly cause since Sec 2,you've always been there to catch me. When me and Yj broke off, you were out shopping with me and I'll never forget that. Went I came back from hk, I was so touched when I saw the letter that you mailed to me. I know you care so much about me and Im really sorry if we really didnt spend much time during the holidays.

Shine on.

Recently life has thrown me into this hurricane til now when I have decided to pull myself out of it. Felt alot like I was being pulled from the edge of the cliff and now Im taking a full breather. Its going to be better. Priscilla Siah you hear,you must be better.

For one, dont shed tears for boys because they are insensitive creatures and in reality they dont know anything about hurting people.
Thank god you were the one hurt...would be ugly if its the other way around,so you should be thankful.
Most importantly,you're absolutely not a loser. You've everything you need to back you up plus whats there to lose out. Welcome to the world,you've just come closer in terms with jerks.
Sean's a good boy,so good a boy you're just fortunate to have met him...too bad he's not ready for you. Whatever it is,you shouldnt be expecting anything,life's like that.
This is life..and now..its just a flick of a dust. You can deal with it.
What is this.

Now,where's the life I led,the carefree and oh so happy life. Just get it back,its just whether you want to.

Its going to be ok, I tried,I've cried and now Im moving on. Trying is so important to me and now Im just happy and proud of myself,proud to know that I've never given up trying for the things I want..and I guess that has to matter more than the outcome. The learning,the process all the way to being stronger.

Ditch the bad thoughts,they are indeed unneccessary.However,remember love. Love is the reason why the world always seem to be so beautiful. Its love in the world that makes life so meaningful and dont give up for the search for it..it willl be worth it someday.
For now,work for Frolick and look good.

Aint nothing but a heartache.

Thanks you so much,now i wont know what I'll do without you.

Pullat: If you want to hld on to something,make the best out of it and treat it like you'll lose it tomorrow. You'll never know when that similar opportunity would rise up again my dear.Im telling you cos I know and I've been through enough to tell you. I've lost people I thought I'll have forever,i lost some to death,to other men and even to myself.Im not saying you should do anything and everything you can to make things between you and Sean work,what Im saying is that no matter what ever decision you make,dont regret/

Tell me how do you do.

I have never felt so upset in so long, never felt so restless over everything. All I wanted to do was cry and let it all out but I couldnt. Since yj,I havent cried at all. Sometimes it really feels like I have used up every bit of agony for yj. I have seen myself look so shag because I wont eat or sleep...i just lay there in bed crying everybit of what I had. I had to cry until I fugured I could be doing something better. When i figured Yj wouldnt feel any different even if he knew how badly i was crying for him at that point in time,I decided for a change.

Since then, there seems to be nothing in life to cry about. When I think of heartbreaking incidents,I could go thru about almost any pain. Like an injection for example...I would barely feel it. Be it whether its friendship or family...I felt almost numb towards everything. Knowing that things happen for a reason and knowing that someday everything will fall back in place again...I wouldnt even bother sheding a tear unless its worth it. Unlike before,tears come like a running tap and it meant nothing,only an emotion.

Last night,it was a night filled with mixed emotions and I couldnt even juggle my own thoughts. I didnt know how to straighten out my own thinkings an it was really bad. But i couldnt cry...my eyes were completely dry. All i do was sat there..and like always,think.
Think of those stupid curfews that were imposed on me. Think of junk. Think of Sean mostly and think of what have gone wrong. I thought of my decisions and how wrong Im to be reviewing them all over again.

Then again,its been long since I felt like this for someone. At that point,I just wanted to talk to you and let you know how I feel. People ask me to talk to you but I dont know why I wont.I am pretty sure this isnt about an ego problem because Im the kind of person that would throw my dignity right smack on the ground to salvage anything,be it a friendship or love. Its about making a decision and standing firm on it because its the best for me.

I feel weak and useless because I cant do all that. I feel stupid for liking you after telling you to end it. I felt even more stupid when Samantha told me'u dont have to be in love when you are going into a r/s...being in a r/s makes you fall in love. I felt I have been shot right up in my ass instantly. Just how can I not know that? For all the things I have been thru,for all the saint moments that I 've been acting like a love guru and now I couldnt even figure that our earlier!?

Today I will have to publish this post so that I'll always be reminded of my own rashness and stupidity. Im a very selfish person,selfish enough to only think about my own good. I deserve every bad karma that life could hit me with. I'll stick with my policy now..to move on and not bringing up the past as much as I can. Love and lost is inevitable. I am just lucky to have met someone like you,so genuine and kind towards me. I dont want to expect anything more from you...I just wanna thank god now for once letting me have you.

You taught me more.

I miss you.

I miss you Sean and Im really sorry.

In search for a love that never existed.

Myles was just saying..." Sean was really upset over the whole incident". Oh yeah? Really? Then why cant you just talk to me? Im waiting for you to talk to me about things!! Walking away is so fucking easy and its what a blooody idiot would do seriously. I'll give you, us another one week. If we still dont get to talk,lets just end it for real and be friends.

If you think I was harsh,god you were just as harsh to me. Think about it..just how many girls can get thru this without frustrations.

Seriously,Im never getting back to this whole thing if you dont have that will to fight back for it.

You spin my head right round right round.

We have not spoken for the longest time. You're just another...guy.
But sadly to say,Im finally thru with you. Since we are done fighting or should i say we didnt even fight hard enough then lets just fuck it all ok.

Fuck and I really did like you Sean. Why the fuck.

Sunday was so unproductive. But well my mum left for real. Control my diet so well today and thats probably the only thing im happy about. Went to siglap to get my fringe trimmed and its fucking awful now im just wondering if people would still befriend me. How.

Then it started pouring and it wasnt funny anymore cause I was feeling like crap. Met Aly and Alvin at town to chill and the we had a long bus journey back to icecreamchefs. Must be the bus journeys that made me so pissed somehow..But still we had fun so it makes it all up. Sean came suddenly and I was...too shock to even give a reaction so I just stoned. He was the same old Sean, same smile and the same old gitters that he gave me. He pullled a chair right beside and at that point of time I swear I just wanted to run. Run from this life sentence of guilt..I just couldnt.

It was the same awkwardness that people would give after an incident. I didnt want it man,I fucking missed him and I wanted to let him know it so bad. Its my ego right now because i hate making first steps and worse still,its not even my fault this time..
Why does my day have to end like this fuck

I am not only going on HBO.

Im going to eat less and lose some weight...Seriously. Only has eggs and cereal the entire day today and Im starving!! Popping gum to ease the hunger.

I ned to whine about how many thousand things I need besides a decent job. I want the fossil collection,the limited edition wallet to be specific. A new ipod nano would work fine and the 9west bag!!!!!! OMG...plz fall from heaven..pretty please?

I wanna go night blading with Dom and Aly tmr,have a good party for Sean on monday and a farewell for josh on tuesday. Must.make.it.happen.

Guess what,no curfew at all. Now its all self-control. Watch me

Lighting up this cigg makes you happy.

Today i was god damn happy. Life can only start picking up from here...and yea I can so vividly remember what you'd say to me."Things can only get better from now,hang in there"
Been walking for 7 straight hours and spent rather minimal today but good buys thou!! Really appreciated the company of Yuanlin cept that I always feel so breathless when i get home. We can never run of things to say,never. One of the most genuine friendship I have..it definitely gotta be you. Haha,you'll never see this paragraph cause I know you hate chessy. Being with you for a long time, somehow makes me feel like I m starting to hate chessy too.

I feel like I can be anything when Im around you cause you dont jugde. What Im has already been embedded into that tiny brains of yours a long time ago haha and we're cool like that. We'd still laugh and miss the times being partners. How things started,how i chose our friendship and knowing that its one of the best decisions in my lifetime. Where's Jimson,we dont feel complete sometimes. haha.

In case you ever make your way here,I love you 4r5 bestf. Im not chessy,just as always,very cliche.

I feel so fortunate today. I feel like Im so blessed,blessed to be able to love you.

I will love you more.

I always thought, what we had was pretty amazing. Dont know how people usually deal with it but I smile when I think of it. The spur to move,is thoughts of love..how it made me strong.
I wont let you down.

Mail.

RE: ‏
From:
priscilla siah (priscilla_virgo@hotmail.com)
Sent:
05 December 2007 00: 25AM
To:
loke yan jie (yanjie_91@hotmail.com)

Hey love,i really thanks god we spoke yesterday.It was really awesome for me,I mean to hear you and i really long for a talk like that.Anyway,I love you okay,I wanna love you till the end of my life.I am gonna try my utmost best to meet you in Japan,you better try to call at least.I will call you the day before we leave which is on sunday!Oh and we are watching Jay chou's concert on that day itself..Cant believe it shit. Okay take care love

From: yanjie_91@hotmail.com
To: priscilla_virgo@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Mon, 3 Dec 2007 15:13:23 +0000

hey, i know you have done your part to try..if i was given a chance by my parents i would definitely do the same..and relationships do get hard especially not seeing you for some time..i hope you get that point..i just feel that being like this is really unbearable for me and i think you hould know my character by now..i do always think of you..and its good in a way but thinking about the fact that youre still so far away and yet to be able to see you makes me really blue..im like working OT everyday just to tire myself and not think SO MUCH about you..i wonder if you did see my last msg before i logged off..and i really didn't presume all that i said..i said it SEEMS like cause i do feel that way and if you think that its really to hard convincing me, im really sorry cause i have not been a good bf of late..and i hope you don't hold a grudge against me..im already trying to be better..i think of you everyday..not being able to be with you..and hear you really sucks..but quarreling is a process of really knowing each other that further bit..and i hope we are both honest with each other..thats all im asking..

From: priscilla_virgo@hotmail.com
To: yanjie_91@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Mon, 3 Dec 2007 14:53:44 +0000


Hey Yj,I just wanna let you know that the things you said to me yesterday was kinda hurtful and unreasonable.How could you be presumming so much about everything sometimes,dont you feel that its a little unfair to me? You dont know how much i miss you babe,taking the trouble to beg my parents to make a call/sms just to let you know i miss you.Does little things like that still even mean something to you?Sometimes i do take sometime to reply you on msn but thats because i am doing something else at the same time and replying my emails,but that does not mean i dont give a damn about you.I care,seriously.I mean if you could lose faith so easily..and it has only been a week..maybe you should consider handling this relationship babe. I wish you well.

Lucky I'm in love with my bestfriend.

I really wonder if you have regretted every step you made. I dont know how I was feeling, i just know I had to tell you the truth. You have not been there for me,not in my darkest days when I needed you the most. You would just hide away from everything,simply because you were feeling fucked up. You didnt let me help you,or at the very least,give me a clue about what was going on. No,none of it..we were both just practically struggling with what we had.

I hate it when people feel sorry,I hate it more when people run out of things to say. I didnt fully agree that I m the one who is gaining all the sympathy votes and all that...No,it didnt work that way. One thing I've learnt,its 2 to make every mistake happens.

I think I've said quite enough last night. Thanks for just letting me hurl everything out at one go. Think its better this way. You dont have to worry for me,this is nothing. I mean,it kinda feels more like a relief for me. So now I know,there's no longer anything to expect anymore. I just have to be really strong for myself and its not difficult because I've already gona thru worse.

The simplest things in life,are the hardest to get.
A break..yeah thats it. Nothing's going to change my mind when its set.
I propose, we just look forward to whats installed in our future,love.

Lights will guide you home

I think the only one who would probably find his way here would be Ekjun huh. Kk,maybe some other smart people that will never let me know of. Anyway, everything said here isnt like a bitchfit place or anything, more of somewhere I feel more comfortable placing my thoughts to. Thoughts that have always been running through my mind and would be better off keeping it to myself.

Anyway
1) Im very single.
People out there can choose to spread shit and see and say things they want to. Nothing with Xy,nothing with Sean and other rumours..i dont even know where they came from.

2) I m positively sure about having a break from you and the r/s. You,Yj. That doesnt mean I dont love or care for you. I just need this space,a huge space in fact. I dont wanna hear of anything more because Im good this way.

Thank you for giving me a call after 2 months. I was tossing and turning in almost every difficult sleeping positions. I was so darn sick I could feel the shivers traveling thru my body and I had difficulty even while I was talking to you. But I wanted to,simply because you dont always pick up your courage to talk to me.

Being barely alive,I could hardly recall anything by now. I just know...if true love really exists,time isnt the matter. So for now, be strong for your own. I would always want the best for you. Alot might have changed around us,crash and burn this faint heart will remain the same just for you.

3) I was falling for Sean and I would be a bitch to deny that. Dating?yeah probably. But he blew it this time. I am so sick and tired of everything. You gave me good times but I dont see you when Im facing the bad. You can stick around and talk to me about how you wanna make my world go round and all. But really,snap back to reality for a little. Words are just words,its not that Im belittling them,you just dont prove it to me.

You always think that I just dont wanna let my past behind and all but to be honest,it two different things altogether. For one, I may love my past but that does not mean that Im not willing to move on.

I figured we're both better off this way. Yes no doubt,we can keep trying..but the day you're still like that...we'll come to nothing. Thank you for accepting me so well for everything Im and even my past,I thank you for everything...but now,gimme a break.

Me you and my medication.

1 shot of baileys killed my trip. I never threw up in such a long time,not in such a disgusting way. I would be so turn off if I were a guy,seriously. Everything's getting to me,now the flu. I threw up in Phuket, destroyed the ATV and oh dropped my slipper while i was on the elephant. Im pretty awesome you cant deny that.

Now Im just one sickly dog. I just came back from Alfred's awesome bday. Was really goood plot and i wish i had it for my own.Haha kidding.

Anyway I was having like a a whole train of thoughts every single night before i head off to dreamland. I would wanna pen it down so badly but I can hardly recall. I was having beautiful thoughts us and wondering if you still think about me from time to time because...I 've always kept a piece of you in my mind. I always wished you knew that no matter who I may be with right now,you know I still keep that far distant love we have. Sucks to say this and I have confessed to Sean how bloody unfair it is but I'll always care alot about you.

It sucks for me cause I cant be there as your bestest friend,not like how you promised many times before. It all wouldnt be worth it if everything voices down to completely nothing..
Maybe someday,you'll remember.

There's many wonders left inside of me and you.

I was thinking more of...I hate commitments.

this solitary moment makes me wanna come back home.

The results are released..somehow everyone got the news except me because I refuse to sign up for the sms thing. Somehow,its better to be the last to know about things like that. Hmm,think I have really put in my best so whatever the outcome,fuck it.

For people who did well,I feel genuinely happy for you all. For those who didnt, there's always company and I might be one of them. So yea, the point is..now we know who has promoted to year 2.1.

Anyway today's a very... weird day I must say. I ruin every single plans that I have to just be at home. I didnt feel like there was a need to be outside or meet anyone,in fact the only thing I wanna do is to see my grandmother..which I m going to do so later. There are so many things running through my mind since last night,after Aly spoke to me. Am I really a very indecisive person? How come life isnt allowing me to just throw things aside and be selfish.

Responsibilities,yes just what life is all about right now. Im downright the least of anything responsible man honestly,Im better at pushing it away. People dont realise that but guess..you know some do,they just cover up for me all the time.
Time and time again, the question of what Im doing in my life,hits me so hard. Whether or not am I doing the right thing...
Up to where Im right now,I m still so uncertain about so many stuff. I feel better,definitely but still just having a lot of doubts about myself.

Anyway till then,when I come to a decision. Sean,are you thinking about this the same,I wonder alot.

Either way I found out,Im nothing without you.

Joshua,I just hope you're ok. How can this be happening to you,you dont even deserve a single bit of this. Anything and everything just for your recovery bestfriend. You promised me you're gonna give me another 10 years of your bull and you better keep your words. You know how Im like when people dont fulfil what they tell me. Be strong for me and I'll be strong for you.

Haven you heard?How we rock each other's world.

So right now,Im just taking some time off chilling and doing the things that I have been wanting to do for awhile. Im one week into my holidays and everything has been so hectic.Think I have been pushing myself alot this time. It might be a good idea to just slow down the pace of my life while I can and spend more time being at home.
Anyway,there's like a party at my place now and there are like a thousand people i dont wanna know at my place....hm.
Its really difficult getting a job at this time,with all the bullshit economic reasons so yeah I have decided to take up some voluntary work.
& finally,I'll be taking a break from the world next week. The long awaited holiday for 4 good days.

Yesterday Sean called me at 11.30pm and he asked me to come out of my house. & so i did. Gave me a white rose that he claimed,wouldnt die forever. I was just..utterly lost for words,pretty much on the verge of being touched to tears.
Nothing was coming thru my mind,only fear. I didnt know how it was like to be in love,I didnt know how to love.It wouldnt be fair if he is not getting the same,would it?
'I cant go because I dont want you feeling like shit"

3,2,1 fall into my arms now.

2 days ago,Luci,Myles,Manfred,Sean,Sim,Sherman,Jy and me when for this audtion for the pizza hut commercial. So far only Luci and myles were called back and Im really happy for them. Well,the rest of us are prolly disappointed cause we couldnt earn the extra bucks but we had alot of fun running the audition. I mean how many times do you even get called up for a trial like this right??Its my blessing and plus I got to see felicia chin in person. Manfred was being the huge dick like always..making fun of me during the shooting,really couldnt help but let out the laughter.

I re-pierced my tragus. Got a studed braclet at 3 bucks and a new shorts.Speaking of that,my job hunt wont stop till i get something!! The last time I worked was last week? The sex talk job at east spring secondary school. The pay was like 10 bucks an hour man,too bad it was only a 3 hour session.Have to really thank Arjun one day for such good work pays.

Today's a lost and found day. Sean dropped his phone off at the cab and the nice uncle returned it back.I dropped my wallet at the cinema and somehow able to retrieve it back. Went to sign back up for my dance class,something which I have been planning to do for the longest time. Leong joined us the whole time and we decided to watch Marley and me to pass our time. Freaking hell,I tried damn hard to hold my tears back but the show's really good man.It has been long since I went into a cinema,really.
-
Yesterday I was just telling him how no one can break a broken heart.The only way to fix a broken heart is to have a place in it to start with. I have been thinking alot about,us.Knowing that,Im just not ready for anything. Honestly,I cant even decide whether or not am I falling in love with you. Being in love is a special feeling,one that I will never be able to forget. Thats why I say,I'll know it when I give my heart away.

Love is change,a good change. It changes your life and most importantly changes the way you live your life and how you look at your life. When I was in love the last time, I knew and saw myself thru every change that happen. I dont even regret a single change because I always know its all in the name of love. There's something to look forward to at the start of every morning,something to work for at the end of it...the feeling is just beyond contentment.

I dont know about this and as long as Im still not sure of what I want,i wont take another step because I dont want you hurt. Still,I really enjoy being with you so much. The connection we have and how we are able to talk for hours and not get tired. Most of all,knowing that we are in this together..it does feels alot better.
You wont see this anyway :)

& we're holding tight now,slow down now.

Just so you know, the other half of me says I shouldnt fall for you. Im so happy and settled being single and carefree. Im happy with what everyday has to bring,what we have now is already good enough for me. Still,as long as you stay,I'll give my all for you.

For now,keeping this way is good. I know I m not the least ready to take a big step not that I have any intention to. Love is a huge commitment,too huge actually. I dont even wanna give that word out unless I mean it.

The beating of our hearts is the only sound.

One word to you,disppointment. Next time please clarify the issue before your impluse false accusations. Whats all this about man,do i stand to gain anything out of it at all? C'mon you have been friends with her for the longest time,you wont need anyone to tell you whats right and whats wrong. Hold a sec, people shouldnt even bring up the past when they are dealing with the curent situation,swear its just going to ruin things. I need to rant it out just like how you did..the only reason why i didnt do this in lj is because I dont want people asking about it. I hate talking about my problems nowadays.
Know what really hit me? The part when you said you should have taken his advice. Really?After all this while,after the tone he used with you?
Whats over is fucking over, does bringing things up solve things. Then again,Im just giving a word of advice... I didnt tell you anything that she have done behind your back because I know how much she means to you. Or should i say,its not even my business in the first place. Dont feel guilty anymore because ..I told you its done. I meant it.
Friends or not you choose. I played my part,you have your own mind to make right decisions dont you. Frankly,it ok with me know why!! Cause I didnt have the slightest intention to hurt you AT ALL. Why the fuck would i do that ay,wont it be hurting myself in return too?Conscience is in ultra clear mode btw.

What about her?Does it work the same too? Just one question,just what have you been thinking recently..

We're in the city of wonder

I knew it..just what was I thinking when my mum said she would leave me and the house for the entire week. What was all that that came thru my mind when I could smell fresh air. Plans were just made instantly and all that fun thoughts just streaming it. Whoa late nights out,sure wanna get a hold of it. One week was sufficient man.

Plz pray the flight cannot be cancelled...pls......!! Desperate calls now!!

Exams will be done in just 2 days and I can go hang out,chill do whatever I like for fucken 2 months bbs!! Thats if Im not taking my supp paper of course. This is crazy,I actually do miss him. Never felt the jitters in such a long time not to mention the whole I.m.Shy feeling.

I love the sound of you walking away.

When's it going to be. Why are our lifestyles sooooooo different!! This is coming to... nothing.

In a place called,here.

We are so different yet we share alot in common as well. Glad there's someone who shared the same views as I did in most of the things. I was willing to wait patiently for him to come pick me up even thou he was like almost an hour late. We could walk around the mall without shopping and simply just using the atmostphere for talk. We had a really long dinner at a simple place and I was happy. On the way home,I felt like I've almost no energy because I've been talking so much and I could tell,you were too. We would watch the stars together till its almost midnight and still carrying on with this breathless conversation. I was honest with everything that I've said,not even afraid to let you know about the little things that I've done wrong.I couldnt care much about the consequences because it has been so long since I felt so comfortable with someone like you.

Throughout the day, nothing more came through my mind except for this amazing friendship. God has been so kind and liberal with me. Since you made your way into my life,dont take a step out ever.
I cant wait for the next time. Till then.Xx

& I get to kiss you baby just bcause I can

Is this a sign where love starts?
Think it was so genuine and beautiful tonight. Finally the stars are shining brightly just like before,Im seeing through that happiness I was engulfed in. Make it last.

Thats why Im by your side,thats why I love you

Who knew,we actually cliqued. Someone whom i thought I would never ever wanna be assiociated with,now being someone close to my heart and treasured. Im still curious with the way life works,how fate can bring 2 people from the both ends forming this special friendship. The last time we met,I gave her the warmest hug that I have given anyone else in the longest time. Really thankful and happy we had such a great day together. & no,not a single sign of hatred towards her anymore.

This week has been good. Been spending some time with my books and random people as well. They were alot of fun !! I even went to work today for I need to save up for Sam's sexy 18th. Talking to Sean right now,just secretly wondering if the connection we had would carry on..Guess there's still too much we dont know about each other. Time?

Freaky dreams

Had this dream about me and my bad fortune. So then god came down,trying to help me.
Am I really in need of help? Everyone kept going on about the luck of goat year,but seriously Im making it thru fine :) This week is just going to get a little mundane cause alot of time will be dedicated to studying.

Again,sunday was awesome. I had like the best weekend anyone can ask for. Life,plz stay like this for me!

When the storm's finally thru.

So spent my day at Ecp,enforcing the rule of being nonchalant on Vday. The whole world seem to have made the same plans as we did,only better. You see couples of all kinds,just like how cupid would wrongly match people together for the sake of today.Secretly, I felt hat love was all along a facade at our age. One year you can be happily spending the day with your love,with a bouquet of roses in one hand and holding his hands tightly with the other. Probably,talking about everything that life has put the r/s into or talking about sweetnothings,raving on about how forever will never come. The next year,probably finding yourself blogging about things like that,like me.

I came across this couple,both inevitably captivated in their own love. The guy was kneeling before her with roses and a gift. He went beyond sweet cause he even add on this sparklers effect and all. Deep down,I really felt happy for this two lovebirds,wondering if their r/s would last.

Snapping back to where Im,reality. It was still good actually. Had a really nice and warm Jap picnic and happen to even bump into my mum wth. X came over to spend the rest of the day that was left with me. Felt really happy that everything turned out pretty well.
Just realised that god has actually spread the love out very evenly..I had my fair share this year,just hope things get even better from now.

Had the best Vday ever. X's really sweet but I really dont know what to give in return..
Just really pondering how many more times do I wanna screw things up or ruin opportunities thats right before me.

Think I'll go to Boston,where no one knows my name.

Just gotten up from this really bad hangover. Seriously,I dont see the point of drinking because I always end up in this state after all that fun. Last nigght was pretty awesome thou. I really love Aly,luci and the people there,its really amazing how we actually clique so quickly. So they were constantly setting me up with this guy who is..HAHAHA cute.
Walk me home and all. Was really high so couldnt really recall every bit of it.

Today's Vday. Grant it to be good and I know it will. Spending the entire day with jacq is the best choice I have ever made. If we both were to go out with someone else,we'll end up thinking about "whether he's gonna ask us out again" and all that nonsense so fuck it..we are better off learning to overcome shit like this.

hopelessly,endlessly

I think I can confidently say we are both thru the entire relationship. Seriously,I dont know how to tell you how much i would wish to keep you as my bestfriend. Someone who I can still confide in,study with and keeping my secrets with.

I know I'll always love you,a very far distant kinda love but it still exists. I promise you this cause somehow I know you'll still love me too.Some things in life are simply irreplaceable.
Think I'll dig all my guts up to tell you about all this the next time we ever get to meet.

Fk the busy days.

Free love givin' day.

So anyway,tp's giving away free bananas at Biz sch.
Adam and Ryan:" like giving out free dicks sia'

I swear I didnt hear that, so me being oblivious and cheapskate all at the same time,happily took 2 bananas when i was offered.
Ryan" you can have it for your own"

So theres me and the 2 dick looking bananas,still contemplating whether i shoud just eat it or not.
So yes i ate it anyway!! Josh went like" why must your facial expression be like that when you're eating the banana" . Believe me,I was speechless.
So then it was me,half a banana and some in my mouth finding its way to be swallowed.
Sick people,cant help it Im under their influence.

Save me.

Looking at the numder of views from my profile, think people might have found their way here..Should I be moving? But its fun to keep this private blog as a mystery and not locking it. Think someone's going to tell me one day?

So anyway im in school now waiting for fashion class to start. By right I m suppose to be making my way there now but today's an exception so gonna just take my time.
Many shit happened last night and me being me always not knowing how to handle things in the best way..ended up with this major quarrel with my mum.
D and A are still at my place with barely any plans. I have a life to cope with myself and I dont think im capable enough to help in such big issues.
Pris is stressed and frustrated.........

Then again,you're going to tell me i put myself thru all this wouldnt you?If someone wants to play saints she has to do it till the end,no way for emergency back out.
Great my mum just called.

Really wish for a timeout from everything. Recession,exams,projects and the people who needs help...where do I start again?

he loves me,he loves me not

This week has been drawn to a closure with many unforeseen surprises and..i don't know how you put it,drama? Firstly, I scored an A for accounting so i guess thats something I ought to be proud of. Secondly random thing,I met 2 good people and I really like them!! I have to mention about the wholesale price that I received at Cityplaza and lastly...which I cant type it out because its to keep it confidential for my gd'friend.

Today has been a great day anyway. It didnt start off so good because me and X quarreled half our time away but i guess it turned for the better. Strangely,my mum was raving on about how good looking he was the moment she saw him-.-
She said I wouldnt even stand a chance if only she was eighteen. The whole point is!!I just really hope things dont get too far,especially the way people might think.

Glad that I made it thru the week thou,you've no idea. Even my signs said that everything can only get better after this week so I really just cant wait for monday to come. My life's so packed eveything's burying me 20 feets down. Speaking of that,Im going to be so tired out when the week starts with my fashion project due this friday. I feel so screwed up for myself sometimes,I should buy myself to barcardi when all this shit is over for real.

I came home today feeling entirely drained..wish I could just call yj to ask how was his day.
I.am.cliche.

You got to be kidding...Im hearing shit about her from everywhere,from your sch and people from your previous class. Well just take care of your "bestfriend" will you and dont get yourself hurt along the way. Ya just make sure you dont get hurt cause then...its indirectly hurting people who still care for you.

Anyway,yesterday would mark the best closure I ever had.
Really,I'll never hurt you.

She had to run away from everything.

So hi secret space. Everything's like different everyday and things are everchanging. Yj's words held no promises to me at all. Valentine's just a little hope, a little of what I asked but still,it remained almost unrealistic. Im not gonna care really,I still have loving memories to keep and people who wouldnt mind spending that day with me. Im not sad really just... still pondering about the way things change.

Why do people make promises when they dont have commitments to fulfil them? You know how many times have Yj told about doing this and that with me but somehow he'll just come up with this whole..'I dont want to give you false hope thing' .

Its a good thing I have given up a while ago. Expecting too much out of life is insane cause you'll always end up being so disappointed. I adopt this thing about dreaming more than expecting...at least when life chooses to surprise me,I'll feel so blessed and contented.

Anyway I think i have been a bitch to Vivien recenty not that I actually KNOW her but...indirectly i just have this jealousy thing. But I figured jealousy couldnt take me far and I didnt use to be like that. I was a more secured and confident person i suppose. Just couldnt deal with a new girl just yet but its getting good now..
Have to accept the fact that people move on,
people dont live to just love one,
people find replacements eventually,
& I will too right?

Whatever it is,just hope that he's genuinely happy. I'd give anything..
Thought now it would be just good if I have time away on my own.

Love you,baby.Still do.

Two people makes one heart.

Wondered if anyone would actually figure their way here. Anyway if you are,Im moving here to post my private stuff,sad life yeah. Good for you,probably a little more juice to juice out from me.

Everything that you've got to juice has got to be for love. So my dad has been asking about us lingering on and all,everyone's curious too but nobody really knows whats going on. We have been going like friends with special benefits for a good long time actually,say a year after the whole big break up. I know,Im seriously impressed with myself at times like this.

It came a long way if you asked. There were too much inbetween(s),commotions and everyday feuds that drove me 20 times though that emotional wall. Sometimes I really wanna just end everything because us being like this will really somehow ruin opportunites that might come better in future if you get what I mean. Hard to friends because we can never stop that denial of little love that we see in each other.

People standing at the sidewalk laugh at how silly Im,laugh at how I can make this simple issue so complicated. It is complicated because no one understands,I dont even undestand it myself.

But somehow things are more or less better than before. We dont quarrel so much like we used to probably cause with all the time we had,we actually learnt to be more understanding. Unknowingly we have changed again,for each other.
We sure are better people now,you think?